As I’ve written the past few months, a lot of my clients find me and my coaching when they are very frustrated. They work hard, get training, go to networking events, make phone calls, submit themselves and their work, and yet they aren’t getting where they need to go!
This series of blogs gets to the bottom of why you’re stopped, stuck, or not moving very fast. In February, I tackled the problem of not really knowing what your goal is, specifically. Last month, we dealt with the second reason you might not have accomplished your goal, that you don’t have a strategy. If you haven’t read these blogs, I highly recommend checking them out.
This month we’ll look at the third reason you likely haven’t accomplished your goal:
You know your goal and you have a plan, but you’re just not doing it.
So, the first thing to look at is whether or not you’re really committed to your goal. In Jump Start™ I talk dig into the difference between commitment and interest. Commitment has an intensity to it, as in a commitment to a cause. Interest is more like a special attention. When one of my 3 year old girls runs into the street, I’m not interested in stopping her, I’m committed.
I encourage you to be really honest with yourself and see if the thing you say you want to do, the goal you want to accomplish by December 31, 2014, say, is something you are truly committed to.
And if you’re not, if in your heart of hearts you are merely interested, then count yourself lucky to have figured that out now. Recently I had a client come to me and tell me that what she’d gotten out of my coaching is that after 10 years in the business she no longer wants to be an actor. In fact, she hasn’t wanted to act for a long time. Let me tell you that I’m thrilled she figured this out! Now she can identify what she really wants to do and get on with it.
If you are clear in your commitment, you really do want to accomplish your goal, then let’s tackle of the next question. Why aren’t you actually doing the things you know you need to do?
Something is beating out your commitment to your goal.
It’s pretty simple. Something else is winning in the battle over the actions you must take to accomplish your goal. It could be your need to be liked or loved. It could be your need for certainty in such an uncertain business. It could be your need for community when you’ve been going it alone.
When I don’t make a hard phone call, it’s not because I don’t have a phone. That would be an external obstacle. I totally have a phone.
When I don’t make a hard phone call it’s because my fear of not being liked or loved is beating out my commitment to my goal. This is what I call an internal obstacle. In the moment when I fail to make the follow up call and instead I go on Facebook or look at emails or clean the house, my goal is losing. By going on Facebook I see all the people who like me and I feel better. Who wouldn’t want to go on Facebook instead of make a follow-up call to an agent or a potential investor? I’ll take Facebook over potential rejection any day.
Now, there are several tools for dealing with this problem, and we spend a whole afternoon learning these tools in Jump Start™, but here are a few pointers.
Get support. To accomplish your breakthrough goal you will need to get out of your comfort zone. So, first and foremost you need to get support. You can’t be out of your comfort zone without pep talks and strategy and an “atta girl” every once in a while. It’s too hard.
Look at what you consistently do when you’re afraid of rejection. Are you the one who cleans the house? Goes on Facebook? Eats a cookie? Goes to the gym?
Whatever your crutch is, there is a healthy way to give yourself the things that speak to the need you have. If you go on Facebook then you likely need community and connection. Set a time to go on Facebook later in the day as a reward for making the hard phone calls.
If you clean the house, then you need order and certainty. So, schedule a time to clean up your space and stick to it. Or hire a maid.
If you eat a cookie, you might need to look at your self care. Do you constantly deny yourself rewards and celebrations because you never do enough? If this is the case, it’s important to celebrate the little victories. Really celebrate them! Take yourself out for a latte after you make the hard calls. Do something that’s nice for yourself even if it’s small. Especially if it’s small. There’s no big day in the future when you’ve really earned a reward and somehow you magically get it. Declare the victories to be what they are, victories toward the goal you’re passionate about, and celebrate them!
Tune in next month for Why You Haven’t Accomplished Your Goal: Reason #4.
Love and Success!